Your not dreaming
by ecandbs8
Summary: What happens when twilight fanatic Juno Heckleberry has her dreams come true to be part of the twilight world? Just not the way she wanted it to be. Rated T. Just being cautious.
1. Chapter 1

What happens when twilight fanatic Juno Heckleberry has her dreams come true to be part of the twilight world? Just not the way she wanted it to.

_He seemed unaware of his watching family as he pulled my face to his, lifting my feet off the floor-_

'Juno!' soon I heard the irregular stomping of half-asleep footsteps barreling up the steps at an alarming rate. 'Shoot' I whispered mostly to myself as I snapped my book shut with a snap. I hurriedly stashed my book on the top of my closet, my mother being too short to reach. And ran to my desk in the nick of time, as my but hit the seat the door flung open. 'What?' I asked with an innocent look on my face. 'Were you reading Twilight again?' she asked a hard expression coming into her soft features.

'No mom, I was just finishing up my trig.' Usually in tight situations I was a faboulas liar, hopefully she wouldn't pick this moment to not be totally clueless. 'oh ok, I just didn't hear your radio, I though-' suddenly a guilty look came over her face 'I'm sorry Juno I just want you to know that I took those books away for your own good, it's not good for you to get caught up in things like that when you have so much going for you-' exasperated I interrupt her babbling 'Mom OK I get it your doing what's best for me yada-yada got it. File saved.' Silently cursing her within my own mind, just wishing she would leave so that I could spend the rest of my evening basking in everything that is Cullen.

'But-' I cut her off before her eyes could get any bigger. 'Mom, file saved remember. Go back to bed you always over react when you wake up earlier than your sleeping pill is supposed to let you.' Just wishing she would exit the room before my patience slimmed down to a breaking point.

'You're probably right, I really should be getting to bed. Maybe-' I cut her off yet again. 'MOM! Goodnight. I love ya but you're on my last nerve' With that's I guided her, well pushed her out the door and shut the door in my haste, in her face. I waited with my ear against the door until I heard her shuffling stop downstairs and the door come to a close.

I jumped over my bed and turn on the radio then launched into my closet to retrieve the book from the top shelf. Although I hated reading with the radio on I had momentarily forgot that my mother also knows this fact as well. Oops I thought with an internal exasperated sigh. I silently castigated myself for not remembering.

I soon settled into my bed to plunge myself into my haven where my dreary past can be erased with a turn of a page.

**Hey readers sorry for the shortness this story just popped into my head and I couldn't help but get some of it down in a VERY little amount of time:D**

**Periwinkle button below? Yes that one!**

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**Ily!**


	2. Own?

Your not dreaming

**This goes for my whole story!**

**--**

**Me-I won twilight and everything in it!**

**Edward-What did we talk about?**

**Me-plz don't embarrass me**

**Edward-what did we talk about?**

**ME-fine I don't own twilight**

**Edward-that's better-**

**Me-but I do onw everything in it!**

**Edward-COME ON!**

**Me-what?**

**Edward-Im going to have to tamper with your memory.**

**Me- what!?**

**(pins me to the side of my truck and looks deeply into my eyes)**

**Edward-What do you own?**

**Me-everything**

**(Kisses my collar bone)**

**Edward-now what?**

**Me-umm…the story line and the cullens**

**(traces his nose from my neck to my chin)**

**Edward- and now?**

**Me- The cullens**

**(gives me that crooked smile)**

**Edward- and now?**

**Me- you?**

**Edward-this is taking longer than I thought- this calls for drastic measures. **

**(kisses me square on the lips)**

**Me- you!**

**Edward- good enough.**

**Me- Yes I own Edward Cullen!**

**Stephanie Meyer- ugh, no you don't!**

**Me- Darn!**


	3. Past

**You're Not Dreaming**

**Chapter 3 **

**Past **

'_Dad!' I yelled looking for the source of my father. He's probably hiding again, ready to jump out when I turn a corner. I thought internally. 'Dad stop it your scaring me'_

_My footing was careful to maneuver around the last step, trying not to make it creak. I then slowly snuck down the entrance hallway down to the kitchen. Maybe he's making a sandwich or something. If he's not hiding then he must be either in the kitchen or in the back shed._

'_BOO!' I screamed while jumping into the kitchen. Empty. 'dad?' I whispered. I no sooner entered the kitchen then I left, quickly locating the key on the hook over the old, but reliable brown stove. I was soon flying across the kitchen sliding on the linoleum in my weathered old knee high elephant socks. I did a quick spin-stop at the back door and spun the key within the lock and flung the door open._

_This took longer, trying to get across the no grass lawn in sock. I silently scolded myself for not thinking of shoes. I focused on the ground intently trying not to step on the many assortments of pine cones. About halfway across the lawn I looked up for the first time. I noticed a couple things all at once the shed door was wide open, the light I could see through the front window was swaying back and forth, the last thing that registered in my mind was the side window held a white figure behind the glass._

_Before I could stop myself I was flying across the lawn ignoring the intense pain in my feet. My head, it seemed was no longer connected to my body. Neither was anything for that matter when the back fences loose wire caught on the side of my leg I kept running ignoring the blood trickling into the trucks of my elephants._

_After eternity it seemed I reached the shed door. I heard nothing, which worried me. 'Dad?' I whispered under my breath. I was very surprised when I heard rustling inside. My eyes were making it hard to see, the tears threatening to break down my barricade. I felt something off, as though something was horribly wrong. _

_I reached up my shaky hand and carefully pushed back the half-open door. It creaked as it slowly opened it revealed the old book shelves in the far corner cluttered with an assortment of tools. I unwillingly took a slow careful step forward on to the worn, splintered wood of the shed floor._

_I turned my body toward the inside of the shed using exaggerated slowness trying to prolong the moment when I saw what was inside. My eyes took a few seconds to adjust to the scene before me._

_There was a white figure standing over my dead father. Looking at me dead in the eyes, in turn I was forced to look at his bright ruby ones. They seemed intrigued by me. I wanted to scream and run but I couldn't move I've never felt as if my natural instincts told me to stay away._

_No sooner than I blinked and he was gone. Again, I looked down at my dead father and collapsed._

_My last thought was of the book on my dresser and the pages of vampires in between the binding._

**I know cliffy, sorry for the shortness but with me my chapters may be shorter but I will TRY to get them out more often.**

**I will probably have one more chapter about her past to explain some other happenings.**

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**(sad attempt at an arrow)**

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	4. Past cont

**Your Not Dreaming**

**PAST 2**

_After the 'event' my mother never looks at me the same. Once the cops talked to me they thought I was a prime suspect. My story of there was a man with pale white skin, red-ruby eyes, and was inhumanly fast didn't cut it. They said my mind was suppressing what really happened, they said I needed to talk to a professional, they said I was cationic; they talked about me like I was crazy._

_I said it was a vampire, I said Twilight holds all the answers; I said I know what happened I saw it. They said they had to go._

_My mom said nothing, always looking at me out of the corner of her eyes. Assessing me; hoping she would see the truth in my crystal blue eyes- hoping I wasn't crazy._

_My mind kept putting images behind my eyelids, ones that didn't belong. That was when the screaming started. As time progressed the screams got louder, the radio was turned up at night._

_My screams would wake my mother, the speaker blaring the top 20-not so much._

_My mind screamed sane; my mom screamed 'not my daughter!'_

_I lay awake in my bed the early morning sun just reaching over the horizon; it's almost as if my foul mood makes the clouds drift over to block the sunlight from almost reaching my window. I unwillingly stretch my back until I hear a satisfying pop. As I swing my long legs over the side of the high bed, landing gracefully on the floor. I kick last night's shopping spree bags into the corner. I stumble half asleep down the hallway. My brain says keep going, but my legs stop in front of my father's bedroom door._

_I look and see the nail scratch marks from my mom's breakdown after she sealed the room tight, now she sleeps in the guest room downstairs. I feel the tears threatening to break loose and I remember my promise to myself, never show a weakness- even to yourself. So I walk on into the bathroom down the hall._

_I stare at myself in the mirror and see myself for the first time in weeks. I see my father's blue-eyes, blonde hair, nose, and bone structure. But I don't see his smile. That's the only thing in the world worth opening my eyes for. At least that's how it feels._

_I peek out the window and see the bare ground where the shed used to be. My dad's favorite place; mine too. I used to just sit there on his work bench inhaling the familiar scent, watching my dad turn scraps into something useful._

_In my opinion that's what he also did for people. Take a broken soul and stitch it back up. Unfortunately, no one is here now to make me whole again. The only person who could is gone along with tools. I back up until I feel something solid-a door. I can tell by the handle digging in my back. I slide to the ground trying to escape my reflection. _

_The tears threaten to break loose but I hold them back- I refuse to be weak. When my dad was so strong. He would open up the door, find me here, and say 'Honey, ya know, your reflection don't bite.' He'd look at how pathetic and dead my eyes are and he would get a crease in between his eyebrows and pick me up and comfort me, then he would take me to mom. She would find the problem and fix it._

_If only he was here, if only I wasn't practically disowned as a daughter, if she even cared._

_I slowly got up stumbled to my room and tried to find the one place I can escape these thoughts. I blared my radio, but the monotonous lyrics hold no interest to me. I search outside, but stop once I find a piece of my shorts on the fence._

_I look in myself, but I find it's empty._

_I look on my bookshelf and find Twilight. The root of all my problems, the place where it all started._

_This may not make sense but the one place I finally found refuge was the last place I was supposed to look._

_In between the pages._

That was 2 years ago.

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	5. Subconcious Evils

**Present**

-T W O Y E A R S L A T E R-

School just another reason for people to have you under radar, to keep you in a mold. What they think is normal; acceptable. I haven't fit that mold for a while. I keep it up, the act. For other people keep up shopping sprees, show the Barbie image. To someone on the outside I fit into the standards. My mother knows difference she never lets me forget it. That I'm branded on the head with a 'past'.

My only safe haven is the Twilight series. In here I see a movie where I am Bella in Edward's arms. My father isn't dead but more importantly my mom doesn't think I did it. I have a true love and a father. Family, a supportive one full of love not hatred, my favorite part was in Twilight I didn't feel totally alone. Bella was my wishful identity what I dreamt about and what I think of from dusk till done.

.....

I open my eyes to another blindingly sunny day, ugh I hate sunny days. I wish it would just rain once in a while. I know CA is a bad choice to live, not my bad choice in the first place. After my dad died my mom insisted on moving to California, to escape things. I think it's just so the people who knew her wouldn't get worried on how much she's changed, and not for the better.

I drag my feet across the pristine white carpet. It hurts this early in the morning to even think of lifting my feet off the ground. As I reach for the bathroom door my hand shocks the metal knob. 'What a wonderful start to a wonderful day!' I internally and sarcastically think to myself. 'I should probably stop doing that' I say aloud. I immediately change my train of thought when I realize that I just talked to myself. 'Never mind talking to myself in my own head is much healthier'.

I turn on the shower on scalding hot. The burning on my skin helps when things get rough. The hard part is wearing long sleeves for about 2 days in CA weather to hide the red blotches that will know cover my body. But I'll deal just like I do with everything else. Hide the pain and convince everyone your covered in smiles.

......

1 MONTH LATER.

I've noticed lately I'm not hiding what I'm feeling. I'm slowly giving up the Barbie act, but subconsciously. I don't care what people think I no longer call my friends, they no longer call back. I'm scared, this isn't me. But at the same time it feels totally right, like a bike covered with a tarp. The tarp maybe new and shiny but when removed there's a shabby piece of medal underneath. Is that what's happened to me. Has my tarp been removed to show the real me? Or has another one been added to hide the fact I'm hurting, to further bury me within myself?

What is my subconscious hiding from me I keep asking myself? Is it hiding 'me'?

.....

2 MONTHS LATER.

I am now confused as scared. I recently feel like I'm in a haze, almost sleepy. But when I close my eyes and succumb to the cottony mist. Instead of sleeping it's as if I go under a bubble, a slight film. It shields me from the world. It shields the world from me. From my feelings, they can't see mine. No risk of being hurt.

There's that subconscious thing again. I don't know why I'm hiding myself, why am I afraid of being hurt? What is my mind shying from, hiding from?

What is it hiding from me?

Music used to be a safe haven. But now it reminds me of a past my body and mind shies away from. What you may ask. I don't know. My mind is no longer safe to me. It's working against me in a way that doesn't have words. That's because in the back of my mind I know it's not me but it's as if fate is pushing me in a way where it's too late to push back.

Life's weird at this point in my life. The actual me is slowly fading away leaving nothing in its wake, nothing to balance. My feelings and personality is slowly becoming obsolete. Even when I talk I feel like it's lifeless. The shield doesn't help, it's as if I'm having to fight harder and harder to break through.

As I get out of bed I slowly creak open my eyes. Everything has a slight blur around the edges. It makes it even harder to keep my eyes open to know it's just another day. That's at least until I pull down hard on the blinds to find another hot, dry, sunny day. In the back of my mind I keep recalling hating the sun, but now I just don't know why. I hate every cold, wet thing. And I don't know why.

I vaguely remember reading Twilight and recalling Bella loving the sun and hating every cold thing but it's that damn subconscious again. It shies away from these facts, the ones that explain the answers.

I shake my head roughly and continue on to the restroom. On the way out I shuffle my feet against the carpet not even thinking about the shock that is awaiting me at the doorknob. *zap* There it is my morning pick me up.

Then I sadly realize. What is there to look forward to?

Family? No.

Friends? No.

What is there to live for?

Is anyone counting on me? No.

At that point I ask myself the final question. Why am I still living?

The answer to that is what scares me the most.


End file.
